How can I get my wife to sexually dominate me?
We get many questions from married male masochists asking
for ideas and
information on this topic. Some are just thinking about
this activity,
unsure of themselves and their lover's response, a bit
worried about the
outcome, but ready to take the plunge. Others are just
beginning to play
Dominant/submissive games with their lover, both parties
are open to the
concept, and they are seeking more ideas and suggestions on
creative D/s
play. A few are trying to convert an unwilling or
uncooperative spouse, and
are deeply frustrated.
Sexual domination and submission, can take many forms:
special instructions
for or limitations on sexual intercourse set by the woman,
more frequent
cunnilingus and infrequent or no fellatio, sodomization of
the man by the
woman, more or less frequent self masturbation by the male,
less or no sex
between the couple, cucolding, enforced chastity, the
combination of
punishment or pain with sex, specific dress requirements or
ritual behaviors
for sexual activities, exclusive self masturbation by the
male, strict
monogamy for the male sex slave, body worship of the woman
while the male
masturbates himself, loaning the slave out to provide
sexual services for
other men or women, castration fantasy games, humiliating
remarks about the
male's sexual servitude, sex rewards for good behavior and
domestic
services, making the slave beg for sex, keeping the slave
aroused but not
allowing ejaculation, etc..
There are a number of fine commercial print publications
that have valuable
suggestions for introducing one's spouse to the joys of
sexual D/s, BDSM,
and erotic power exchanges. We have selected and listed
some of the better
books, newsletters, and pamphlets in The Dominatrix in
Print and Other Media
under the subject headings: Introductory Works, and
Instructional. Most of
the good materials can be purchased by mail order from QSM.
A number of the
suggested print materials include good self-assessment
tools and
questionnaires. We very much like the Greenery Press
Publications and think
Lady Green is a really fine educator/trainer and community
resource person
in BDSM. She offers delightful and informative books with
very good
suggestions for beginners. All of these books include some
suggestions on
sex slavery and sex slave games. The fiction literature on
FemDom is full of
erotic descriptions of sexual slavery.
If your Significant Other or Spouse is open-minded, willing
to expand her
erotic boundaries, and full of the spirit for play and love
and fun ... it
should be easy to begin. Have some good conversations,
enjoy a good book or
video on the subject, and do some live experiments. Begin
where the two of
you are most comfortable when in an erotic mood. Start
simple and have a
good time. Give yourself enough uninterrupted time to
explore your new
pleasures. If scripts help, then use them. Dress up a bit
for the play.
Smile, get sexy, enjoy yourselves. Kinky is safe, fun,
consensual, sane, OK
to do!
Many couples begin to experiment with BDSM as they get
older. They probably
did not enter the marriage with interests, experience or
knowledge of BDSM.
As they become more sophisticated and creative - even
jaded? - in their
sexual relations, BDSM becomes an option they want to
explore. Many find
that a D/s sex style is a better way to get them hotter,
despite the forces
that tend to make us cooler: increasing age, stress, and
fatigue.
Written contracts regarding sexual servitude of the husband
to his Wife are
not uncommon. Sometimes such "contracts" are for only a
day, week or month.
Both parties develop the contract, both sign, and both try
to follow the
arrangement. Temporary contracts allow for considerable
experimentation. The
BDSM literature has many such contracts for you to consider
and adapt to
your own needs and desires.
The submissive needs to be clear about his/her own needs.
Are you a
masochist? Do you like to be sexually submissive, but are
not a masochist?
How frequently does the desire to be dominated occur for
you? Are you
willing and can you actually obey, submit to, and follow
your Top's
instructions? What kind of sexual activity do you not want
to do? What kind
of fetishes turn you on? What are your fantasies of erotic
sexual
Domination/submission. LIKEWISE: What is the Top willing to
do, likes,
dislikes, wants...?
Despite popular beliefs to the contrary, the person on the
bottom tends to
be very active and creative in defining the style and
boundaries in BDSM sex
play. Tops don't enjoy the totally passive and useless limp
noodle, nor do
they want Topping from the bottom, i.e., do this, do that,
do this, do that,
harder, easier, change this..... However, in most cases,
with good prior
communication and negotiation, the bottom really gets to
act out or play out
their own fantasies with a good Top.
You will need to communicate, negotiate, compromise, and be
flexible with
each other.
Ask yourself, "What am I willing to give to my lover in
return for this
valued BDSM exchange?" Give and take, favors given and
returned - this is
how the most successful Top/bottom relations develop.
Devoted husbands that
keep their promises are very valuable to Top Women.