How can I get my wife to sexually dominate me?

We get many questions from married male masochists asking for ideas and
information on this topic. Some are just thinking about this activity,
unsure of themselves and their lover's response, a bit worried about the
outcome, but ready to take the plunge. Others are just beginning to play
Dominant/submissive games with their lover, both parties are open to the
concept, and they are seeking more ideas and suggestions on creative D/s
play. A few are trying to convert an unwilling or uncooperative spouse, and
are deeply frustrated.

Sexual domination and submission, can take many forms: special instructions
for or limitations on sexual intercourse set by the woman, more frequent
cunnilingus and infrequent or no fellatio, sodomization of the man by the
woman, more or less frequent self masturbation by the male, less or no sex
between the couple, cucolding, enforced chastity, the combination of
punishment or pain with sex, specific dress requirements or ritual behaviors
for sexual activities, exclusive self masturbation by the male, strict
monogamy for the male sex slave, body worship of the woman while the male
masturbates himself, loaning the slave out to provide sexual services for
other men or women, castration fantasy games, humiliating remarks about the
male's sexual servitude, sex rewards for good behavior and domestic
services, making the slave beg for sex, keeping the slave aroused but not
allowing ejaculation, etc..

There are a number of fine commercial print publications that have valuable
suggestions for introducing one's spouse to the joys of sexual D/s, BDSM,
and erotic power exchanges. We have selected and listed some of the better
books, newsletters, and pamphlets in The Dominatrix in Print and Other Media
under the subject headings: Introductory Works, and Instructional. Most of
the good materials can be purchased by mail order from QSM. A number of the
suggested print materials include good self-assessment tools and
questionnaires. We very much like the Greenery Press Publications and think
Lady Green is a really fine educator/trainer and community resource person
in BDSM. She offers delightful and informative books with very good
suggestions for beginners. All of these books include some suggestions on
sex slavery and sex slave games. The fiction literature on FemDom is full of
erotic descriptions of sexual slavery.

If your Significant Other or Spouse is open-minded, willing to expand her
erotic boundaries, and full of the spirit for play and love and fun ... it
should be easy to begin. Have some good conversations, enjoy a good book or
video on the subject, and do some live experiments. Begin where the two of
you are most comfortable when in an erotic mood. Start simple and have a
good time. Give yourself enough uninterrupted time to explore your new
pleasures. If scripts help, then use them. Dress up a bit for the play.
Smile, get sexy, enjoy yourselves. Kinky is safe, fun, consensual, sane, OK
to do!

Many couples begin to experiment with BDSM as they get older. They probably
did not enter the marriage with interests, experience or knowledge of BDSM.
As they become more sophisticated and creative - even jaded? - in their
sexual relations, BDSM becomes an option they want to explore. Many find
that a D/s sex style is a better way to get them hotter, despite the forces
that tend to make us cooler: increasing age, stress, and fatigue.

Written contracts regarding sexual servitude of the husband to his Wife are
not uncommon. Sometimes such "contracts" are for only a day, week or month.
Both parties develop the contract, both sign, and both try to follow the
arrangement. Temporary contracts allow for considerable experimentation. The
BDSM literature has many such contracts for you to consider and adapt to
your own needs and desires.

The submissive needs to be clear about his/her own needs. Are you a
masochist? Do you like to be sexually submissive, but are not a masochist?
How frequently does the desire to be dominated occur for you? Are you
willing and can you actually obey, submit to, and follow your Top's
instructions? What kind of sexual activity do you not want to do? What kind
of fetishes turn you on? What are your fantasies of erotic sexual
Domination/submission. LIKEWISE: What is the Top willing to do, likes,
dislikes, wants...?

Despite popular beliefs to the contrary, the person on the bottom tends to
be very active and creative in defining the style and boundaries in BDSM sex
play. Tops don't enjoy the totally passive and useless limp noodle, nor do
they want Topping from the bottom, i.e., do this, do that, do this, do that,
harder, easier, change this..... However, in most cases, with good prior
communication and negotiation, the bottom really gets to act out or play out
their own fantasies with a good Top.

You will need to communicate, negotiate, compromise, and be flexible with
each other.

Ask yourself, "What am I willing to give to my lover in return for this
valued BDSM exchange?" Give and take, favors given and returned - this is
how the most successful Top/bottom relations develop. Devoted husbands that
keep their promises are very valuable to Top Women.